Sean O’Brien* never wore socks. It was his trademark. He was in sales and no matter how big the client or how important the deal or how influential the decision maker, Sean did not wear socks. His sock-less-ness was a badge of honor and a mark all his own. It was one of the ways he was truly himself.
I heard somewhere that we choose our friends less for who they are, and more for how they make us feel about ourselves – and one of Sean’s gifts was making people around him feel good. The world lost Sean** this past weekend, but we will all carry a part of his spirit with us.
It wasn’t even that I knew him so very well – but you didn’t have to with Sean. That was part of his gift. He made an impression and left a positive mark with interactions both big and small. Each of us touches others and we leave an impression – one way or the other. Sean’s sense of humor put people at ease. Laughing together was an equalizer and connector. Not that we all have to be comedians, but taking ourselves a little more lightly is surely a lesson to take from Sean.
Sean was also a great dad. No one who knew him, didn’t know about his daughters whom he cherished. As a single dad, nothing was more important than his girls, and his devotion and his single-minded clarity about the importance of his role as a father, was really inspiring.
When I saw Sean at an annual event this past June***, he confided about his experience with cancer and about how scary it was. He told me about how much he appreciated the gentleman who had donated his stem cells to Sean. A father of three in Houston, originally from Mexico, this gent’s gift didn’t ultimately cure Sean, but it gave him another year (plus) to be a dad to his daughters, and to be a friend and a colleague. It’s about the people, according to Sean. And this is true for us all. Day after day, from the beginning to the end, it is finally about the people we’re journeying with – and about the effect we each have on each other. Not that we have to be perfect, but everything counts in the ways we interact and the effects we have on others.
And about those socks: Sean was fully himself. When you read the comments about Sean on his Facebook page from all his family, friends, and colleagues, people say again and again how authentic he was and how much of himself he gave to others through his humor and his life. And now through his death. Because in moments of death, we ponder the life of the person who has passed on, and also our own life, and all that means the most to each of us. Through this, death is life-giving, I suppose. We think about a life well-lived and we think about the lives yet-to-be-lived for those of us who remain.
People who are fully themselves give us all permission to be fully ourselves. And this was perhaps Sean’s greatest gift to us. It was the gift of himself, but also the gift of ourselves. He appreciated those around him. He disarmed us with laughter. He made us feel good – and that is a gift, indeed.
In Sean’s speech 13 months ago at a cancer benefit****, he wished the audience both goodness, from and Irish blessing, and grace, from a Mexican greeting. Thanks to Sean for the goodness and grace he brought to the world and brought out in all of us.
*Thanks to Sean’s family for permission to use his real name.
**He was in his early 50s. His obituary is here.
***Ironically, at the time, I had asked Sean if I could quote him in my blog. He said yes.
****Click photo for Sean’s speech at the cancer benefit (minus slides). And here for a version that is farther away but with his slides.
Photo credit for featured image: Connor McDowell, Hope College.