Our daughter Alex recently married her best friend, Charlie, whom we also adore. I’ve been working on a blog post for months but with all the emotion, it was hard to determine the right focus.
Is it about family? About advice for marriage? About vows and promises? Of course, it’s about all of these. But when I saw the wedding photos and a particular photo of Alex’ smile, it was clear that this is most of all about continuity—and the unbroken love that characterizes how we feel about our children, our family and our community.
THAT SMILE. The photo is a perfect image of that certain smile—the same one she wore sometimes when she was two.
Or the image of Alex on the beach, so reminiscent of how much she has always loved the water (no matter how cold the lake or the day) and how she would roll in the sand making sugar donuts (hosing off after our days at the beach was never a small challenge). In their photos, she and Charlie are on the beach—walking along the water and wading in the rolling waves. It was a sweltering day so I’m not sure what could have been better. We parents can picture them from the very beginning and see so many moments in their smiles of today—and in the love they share which is a reflection of our own.
COMMUNITY. The day included so many special people. Our minister, Gordon, who has known Alex since she was three. And whose orchestration, organization, message and presence created a calm and meaning that remain with all of us.
Ellen and Gary who played violin and cello with such beauty and grace, and who survived the blazing sun wearing their concert black without the benefit of any shade (despite our best efforts to predict the sun’s path). Ellen, who taught Alex and Dylan violin since they were so small—but who also taught them about discipline, about confidence, about how to learn and about expression. And Marie who has been taking our family photos since the children were young. Marie, who also endured the incredible heat and who always captures the very best smiles and spirits of everyone within her lens—who reflected the magic of the day not only in the structured, but also in the spontaneous.
SIBLINGS and GRANDPARENTS. Continuity also came in the form of younger siblings who stewarded rings and helped with the lighting of sparklers. And who caught the garter and the bouquet at our tiny gathering where they were the only eligible bachelor and bachelorette. And grandparents too represent the years of relationships that come into the present. They brought their patience and their long views of family—the children and grandchildren they are watching grow.
AND THEY DANCED. We planned for a lot, but didn’t plan for a first dance. After all, for such a small group, there was no band or DJ. But we had a mixed collection of songs lovingly created to include all the girls’ favorite tunes. As Alex and Charlie were returning from final beach photos, and stepping into the living room with everyone sitting together, Crazy for You (Madonna) came on. It was the first song Terry and I had danced to at our wedding, and Alex and Charlie danced. The next song that came on–again, randomly–was Lady In Red (Chris de Burgh) which had been Charlie’s parents’ first dance, and Alex and Charlie continued. Oh the irony—and the continuity—that 30-ish years ago we danced. And today so did they, while we moms shed our mom tears.
LOVE REFLECTED. Perhaps one of the greatest joys was seeing how in love they are. And this represents continuity as well—to see the child you adore, adored by their (now) spouse. As we were hugging goodbye at the airport, I said quietly to Charlie, “Take good care of Alex.” And as Terry was hugging Charlie goodbye a few minutes later, I heard him say, “Take good care of Alex.” We pray they take good care of each other—as they love each other and start (continue) their lives together.
FUTURE. Our love for Alex is unbroken, continuous and connected over time. And now it is for Charlie as well. And we wish Alex and Charlie unbroken, continuous and connected love going forward. Their relationship will be challenged, no doubt, and may get stretched or frayed, but we pray they have continuity in the forever they have promised each other—and that we have all promised to support.
We love you now and we will love you always—with a love that is unbroken and continuous.
Photo Credits: Marie Clark Photography