Turning 18 is a big deal indeed. Happy birthday, precious daughter! As the world opens its doors to you in new ways, and as you set off, here are some suggestions for the journey, honey. 🙂
Be Yourself – No one can be as good at being you, as you. Wherever you go, you’ll be with you, so be someone that is good to be around. Be self-assured, but not arrogant. Be confident, but not egotistical. Be your own person. but never disrespectful of others. Be humble. Be your best self.
Accept Mistakes – While you’re being your best self, allow for your not-so-best self. We all make mistakes, and there is no such thing as perfection, of course. Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes you will worry. Sometimes you will mess up. Sometimes you’ll be grumpy or angry or negative. Realize this, don’t wallow, say you’re sorry, forgive yourself, and move on. Grace means that every new day – every new moment – is a fresh beginning. Perfection is found not in the being of perfect, but in the process of trying to be our best within the gift of each moment. It is found in our messiness and our humanity.
Be Kind – Just as you are kind to yourself, be kind to others. No matter what, be kind. When people cannot or will not be kind in return, be kind. I read somewhere that a measure of a person is how they treat others who have no way of ever helping them – the best of us are kind. This does not mean being a doormat, of course, but it does mean being respectful, being empathic, and offering help where you can.
Be Strong – Be firm in your own beliefs and values. Stand up for what is right. Use good judgment and discretion in making all kinds of decisions – large and small. Be willing to make the unpopular choice when it’s the right one.
Be Curious – Be open. Explore. Discover. Learn as much as you can about a lot of things. This will make you creative as well – you’ll connect disconnected things in unexpected ways. You’ll see the world anew. Look for surprises. They’ll help you uncover your own assumptions and biases.
Wonder – Wonder actively and have a sense of wonder. Appreciate the world. Never stop being amazed at the beauty around you. Be conscious and attentive. Regularly be in awe. Delight in the ordinary. Believe in magic. It surrounds us every day, we have only to recognize it.
Be Grateful – Be thankful. Be appreciative. Be happy with what you have. Appreciate everything – even the smallest parts of life. When the tiniest things make you happy, the world is a very happy place to be. You know the quote by Kurt Vonnegut, “Enjoy the little things in life because someday you’ll realize they were the big things.”
Be Beautiful – Know that you are beautiful. You just are – inside and out. There will be times when you don’t feel beautiful, but know that you are. There will be a time when you are no longer young and when your capabilities change. Appreciate every second of your abilities (and your wrinkle-free skin!) while you have them. We’ve loved you at every age. Likewise, love yourself at every age. To age is a luxury. Treat your own aging, and that of others’, with the utmost dignity.
Expect the Best – Have high expectations of those around you. Assume good intentions and be patient with others. We’re all struggling at some level and if people let you down, it is rarely because of you, and more likely because of something in themselves. Expect the best of situations and those around you and you’ll usually get it.
Keep Perspective – Take the long view. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. When something upsets you, ask yourself if it will matter in a month or a year or 10 years. Be invested in the present, but realize that everything changes eventually, and more quickly than you think. Situations are impermanent. Use your values as your long-term compass.
Take Yourself Lightly – Keep perspective about what’s going on around you, and also about yourself. Have fun. Relax. Laugh at yourself, and also, just laugh.
Do What You Love – A book title from the 80s is apt: ’Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow’. It’s true. Follow your passions and interests. Seek out interesting people. When opportunities come around, say yes more than you say no. Be willing to search, try, and stretch. The world owes you nothing, but you owe the world. “From those to whom much is given, much is required.” This is a good thing. It means you get to. You get to bring your best. You get to contribute. You get to provide your talents to the world – in whatever way you choose.
Take Care of Yourself – Make the effort, demonstrate discipline, and follow through. But also ensure that you’re taking care of yourself. You’ll be at your best for any work you’re doing when you’re also making time for yourself and doing things that feed your soul. Sometimes there will be less time for you, sometimes there will be more. It will even out. It’s not a human race. Remember the book we used to read? ‘Is There Really a Human Race?’ (Answer: No)
Live for the Season – Life has its seasons. Sometimes it will feel like walking in a field of daisies (sans the spiders) on a perfect sunny day, and other times it will be like slogging through the mud. In the hard periods, take one day at a time – or even one minute at a time. Believe, and have faith. It will get better. All that you learn in the tough times, will help you in your future times.
Prioritize People – Always prioritize relationships above things. Invest time in connecting, communicating, and joining in. Love others. But not so you lose yourself in the relationship. Love yourself too. When you do, you’ll be able to love others more fully. Don’t look for people to complete you. You’re already complete. Hang around with people that treat you well and around whom you feel good about yourself. Also know that no relationship will give you everything you need. Rely on the unique gifts of diverse people in your life.
Build Family – Count on us. Depend on us anytime, anywhere, for any reason. We love you deeply and we are always here for you. You’ll continue to build your family. It will expand and change, but we will always be your constant. We’re your starting point and your foundation, and we are your biggest fans and advocates, no matter where you go or what you do.
Embrace Enough – Dream big and strive for wonderfulness, but know that you are enough just as you are. There’s nothing you need to do or become. You are a child of God, and who you are is a gift to the world exactly as you are.
Forget this List – Any good list of advice deserves to be forgotten because success or happiness aren’t formulas or lists of ingredients anyway. And you have all need in order to be brilliant at life (you already are!).
A long time ago I read that “What we focus on, expands,” and it’s true. Focus on the positive. Expect the best. Intend for great things and they will happen for you. As you go off into the world, remember this from Dr. Seuss: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
When you were a baby and we held you in our arms, sometimes we called you ‘Bundle’. You were a precious bundle – a treasure and a gift. And it is still true. I’ll never forget the sight of you walking into kindergarten with your blonde curls bouncing and the too-big backpack on your back. I prayed the giant world would be welcoming to you and that you would have a good life. You have everything you need within the bundle that is you. Enjoy the journey. (And remember to call your parents! :))