See article in The Guardian

Equality is a myth. It is statistically true that women do more work at home than men. This is not true for all women or all men or all families, but according to statistics it is true for most. It is also statistically true that sharing of the demands at home is a source of angst and consternation in many homes. Equality is the wrong goal though. Equity is more like it. Our lives ebb and flow and over our life course and the best partnerships aren’t about each member of the pair giving 50%, it’s more like each member giving 100% and we’ll cross over at the weak points. Striving for equality suggests patterns that are predictable. You give ½ and I’ll give ½ and we’ll always have a whole. But the reality is that sometimes each partner needs to give more in order to fill in a weak spot.

My partner has to travel for work so I must contribute more in order to make that up. I get the opportunity for a terrific new project at work and I need my partner to contribute more for the 6 months the project will take. These kinds of ebbs and flows occur over days, months, and even years. As a result, our partnerships must be less about counting and accounting for the time we each give, but more about fully supporting each other through those ebbs and flows. It won’t all be equal, but it will be equitable.

Sometimes I give more and sometimes you give more, but overall it’s equitable, rewarding, fulfilling, and abundant.