“You’re only as happy as your most unhappy child.”

Before children, I used to feel sorry for the parents who lived through their children—those for whom happiness was caught up in that of their kids. Of course this only lasted until I became a parent myself 21 and 17 years ago.

It is true that our happiness is tangled up with that of our children. And it is ferociously true that being a parent is a big and awesome role–one in which we give and give.

And yet.

It is also so very rewarding and fulfilling. What is the saying? “The hardest thing you’ll ever love so much?”

We fill our children so they can be fulfilled. We change diapers, carry them up for bath time, wrestle them into their jammies, dry their tears, help them with algebra (long-buried and with any luck dredged from the depths of our own competencies), encourage the prom-posal, make the college visits, and celebrate their birthdays in person and then via face-time when they are away at college.

These are the easy parts of course. Children can sometimes exhaust us and break our hearts as well.

And yet.

At the same time parenthood can require so much, our children also fill us up—their joy at new discoveries, their giggles and laughter at any age, hearing them singing along to that song in the car, watching the 100^th orchestra performance (of my child along with all of yours), hearing their thoughts, and sharing their hopes for the future they will create for themselves and contributions they will make to the world. We fill them so they can be fulfilled–and in turn fill others.

Our happiness is bound up with theirs—as it should be. Fundamentally we humans are social, and we find meaning with and through each other—especially our children.

Perhaps the places from which we’ve given leave us lighter–even as we carry the burden of worry for our children’s wellbeing. Perhaps the places from which we’ve given also leave us more open to new perspectives or new wisdom. Surely these places provide for new spots that can be refilled so it’s not just our children that are fulfilled, but us as well.

Parenting empties us as we give and give–and it fills us—one of life’s greatest gifts.

“There may be no greater sense of fulfillment in life than the simultaneous feelings of human interconnection and pure freedom that arise from an authentic act of selfless generosity.” ~Dale S. Wright